I wrote this as a diary of how I experience most days. I am constantly switching in & out of being present and reflecting on small moments that happened in the past. I am going to take you through a typical Monday for me. The highlight of Mondays is visiting Rikers Island. For those who are unfamiliar, I will include some historical context about Rikers Island below, and some personal thoughts around fighting your fight.
Monday:
3:45am: First alarm goes off. I usually hit snooze.
4:00am: Second alarm goes off. I hit snooze again, but this time I tell myself I am going to get up in 5 minutes.
4:05am: I get up and kneel down to pray.
4:10am: I read Pslams 23, then start to get ready for the day.
4:45am-5:10am: I take a moment to clear out my thoughts and mentally be ready for the day ahead. I do this by praying, “Today Lord, I surrender. If there is anything in my heart that doesn’t align with you, please remove it. Disrupt my plans today if they don’t align with your will. Show me who and what you want me to pray for today.” Some days are better than others about focusing on this, but I still make the time for this space everyday.
Every Monday morning, unless it is a holiday, I train people at the gym from 5:15am to 9:45am. Somewhere in between then I find a couple of minutes to eat my first meal of the day. As soon as my last session finishes at 945am, I grab my coat (depending on the season) and backpack and make my way up to Rikers Island.
Riker’s Island Historical Context:
The City purchased Rikers Island in 1884 for $180,000. The original Island was 87 and one/half acres. From the late 19th century through the mid-20th, the Island was expanded by landfill to its current 415 acres.
Today, the Island is the Department’s {Department of Corrections} main base of operation, with 10 separate jails capable of housing up to 17,000 inmates. It is also home to the Department’s Transportation Division and numerous other support operations such as, central laundry, central bakery, K-9 and Marine units. Rikers Island is home to one of the world's largest correctional institutions and mental institutionsand has been described as New York's most famous jail.
-New York City Department of Corrections
9:45am-11:15am: It's a long ride from lower Manhattan. I take 4/5 train at Wall Street to Fulton Street (I could walk, but I don't), then take the A/C train to West 4th Street, and transfer to the F train to 21st Street Queensbridge, then I get on the Q100 Limited Bus which takes me on to Rikers Island. The whole trip, without any delays, takes about 1 hour and 15 minutes. On this ride up I take a few moments to read and/or listen to music. Partly to prepare for the environment I'm about to walk into at Rikers, and also to make the most of idle time, as those moments are few and far between for me.
If you are wondering what I mean when I say prepare for the environment, here’s a bit of what I’m referring to:
I’ve walked into the facility and seen Corrections Officers carried out on stretchers.
I’ve walked into the facility on the back of brutal fights that ended up on the news.
I’ve been delayed entry into the facility because an alarm is going off. Alarms mean a fight is currently taking place, and too break it up, they stop people from moving around the facility. They send in their tactical team, which puts on armor that looks like they are going into war, and they usually release a chemical agent into the air. I’ve seen this through glass.
I’ve witnessed a fight break out while running the program we are facilitating
Most importantly, I need to check myself and not come in with more than the intent of just listening and being a friend.
I volunteer with an organization called Prison in the Wild, led by Pastor Rex Duval. “Prison in the Wild is all about bringing the light of the gospel to the darkest, most isolated places. Their mission is to transform the existing penal system into a system of justice for all. Their goal is to facilitate life change and communicate hope to the increasing number of men and women who find prison their circumstances in the Greater New York area.”
11:20am-12:10pm: Upon arrival, I wait for the other guys on the team, or sometimes the team is waiting for me. We then proceed to the next checkpoint for clearance. There are many checkpoints on the Island, and for good reason. Safety and security is a big deal with so many inmates. There is also a lot of waiting as we head into the prison, as the process of getting cleared is an actual paper trail. Nothing is done by computer.
I began volunteering in prison because growing up I often heard things like, “Free Tye, He up north, the boys got ‘em, he gotta do a bid, he get out next summer.” I even recall my mother had a brother who was incarcerated. I learned this because when caller ID became popular we had one in the house, and one day when the phone rang I saw “……Facility” on the caller ID screen. I don’t remember the whole name, but I remember the facility on the end. I was intrigued by prison.
I wondered, what happens to people to make them go there, what happens when they go there, who helps them when they get out, what is it like in there, is it anything like what they portray on television, and are they really bad people?
Once we are granted access into the facility, we are escorted into to the chapel.
Walking into the facility reminds me of a NYC public school. (If you read my post ‘Strategy: How it Came to Be’, you’ll remember that I used to be a NYC public school teacher.) Not much natural light, caged windows, walking in single file lines. The only major difference is that the condition of the facility is very poor. When it rains, parts of the facility flood, and when it's extremely hot or cold, you really feel it. It definitely doesn't smell like the air is fresh. I often question whether or not I should drink the water.
I lose track of time at this point, because we are not permitted to bring cellphones into the facility. I don’t think I’ve even seen clocks in the facility.
Before you start thinking, “it's a prison, it's not supposed to be nice.” I'll challenge you to consider that regardless of there mistakes in life, inmates are still human beings. The people that work there are subject to bad conditions as well, which cannot be good for their health. Ultimately, bad conditions for the Rikers staff will not go well for how the inmates are treated. Think about all the accommodations you need to do your job effectively day in and day out.
At the chapel, the Correction officers (CO’s) have a weekly prayer meeting. We hold hands and pray for whatever is on our hearts in that moment.
Next up we head to the gym. The gym is where most of the program takes place. Shockingly, it's a beautiful basketball court, but it's very cold in there. Most of the time, I keep my coat on because it feels like being outside.
In the gym we offer the boys an opportunity to play basketball with a scoreboard and 2 referees, and we do strength training. I’ve found that most of the guys come to gym for the sole purpose of having a change of scenery. They get 40-50 minutes depending on how fast the CO’s move them from their cells or dorms into the gym.
After that, we usually bring in a guest speaker to share their own story and encourage the boys, that although things may look bad now, one day things will get better, whether that’s in prison or after they are released. The question that is often phrased to them is “What will you do with this newfound freedom?” The speaker usually talks for 20-30 minutes.
Depending on the facility, the boys will either live in dorms or cells. Dorms are open style living, they live in one big room and sleep on cots. (Think of any military movie that features basic training.) Cells are independent living. One small room with a sink and a toilet next to the bed. Like a NYC studio, but smaller.
In between the time that they arrive and the time that they leave there is plenty of time to build a friendship with the guys. For instance, one of the guys tries to joke on me. He says, “You wear the same thing all the time”, and I said back to him “So do you.” His smile turned to a straight face and he said, “Ok, you got me.” We’ve been cool ever since.
I remember the first time the boys walked into the gym, I thought “Wow, these guys look like babies to me.” I think I am able to see them this way because I still see them as people. Criminals tend to get placed on the outside of society. I get it. I'm not suggesting that there are no repercussions for wrongdoing. I am suggesting that when 17-21 year olds are in prison for murder, we should evaluate what is and what is not in place that allowed them to be there, and work on that.
I often sit back and watch them play and think, they are no different than the guys I grew up with or any other group of kids playing basketball right now. Laughing, joking, trash talking, and doing their best impressions of current NBA players. This is heavy to digest at times. It hurts to witness. What happens in the life of a 17 year-old that gets so angry he takes another persons life? And on the other side of the spectrum, so many of these guys were arrested without being charged, and they have spent 2 years in jails. I was at a loss for words when a 19 year-old said to me, “My whole family is locked up at Rikers.”
3:00pm: The boys have been escorted out of the gym. It’s always tough for them to leave because its visible they don’t want to go back.
3:15pm: As a team we talk about how the day went, we pray, and then we are escorted out of the facility.
3:30pm: We start the journey back to where we need to go next. For some its home, and others its back to work.
For me, I often leave not sure what to make of what just took place. The interactions with the guys are always positive. Usually, by the end of a session you can see major breakthroughs, but they still have to go back to a world that is not loving. What really bothers me is the conditions they have to live in. Constant threats, frustration from family not coming to see them, regret. Many of these boys have never learned how to deal with anger, and many of them feel extreme degrees of neglect, abandonment, not feeling loved, being hurt, etc. I wonder how many of us not in prison are living the same way as these inmates.
When I first started going to prison, I would leave and feel overwhelmed. So much that on Tuesday mornings the only thing I wanted to do was lay under the covers all day. I would feel like I gave my time with the guys in prison every bit of energy I had. I would feel sluggish throughout the whole day. I wouldn’t feel like working out or anything that required thinking. I didn’t take time off in the process because I knew how important it was to be consistent with the guys, and I gave my word to God that I would join this fight. Sometimes the fight looks ugly, but it doesn’t mean it’s not right where you are supposed to be.
After a while, I realized I felt like this because I felt like I needed to come up with a solution to fix this problem. I also thought, “What kind of God would allow this to go on?” Then it hit me that it wasn’t my job to fix mass incarceration. My job is to be obedient to the call on my life, which is to develop and equip men wherever they may be, to reach there God-given potential. Surely I can do that.
I can keep showing up and inspire by listening no matter how dark it looks. I can be a consistent face and bring the hope of the good news. I believe the challenge for most people, especially men, is wanting to be in control of the outcome. Wanting to control the outcome always leaves you overwhelmed. Focusing on your small part always leaves hope for days to come.
Now I leave prison encouraged that I followed my assignment for that day. I don’t think any further than the present moment. It still takes me a while to make sense of what I have witnessed. It also still takes me a while to share what I’m feeling and thinking with my wife when I get home. I take as much time as I need, and then usually share at dinner.
Because of where the guys are with there cases, I can see a group of them for 2-3 weeks straight and then that will be the last time I see them. They are either moved to a new facility, shipped upstate, or released. I always leave my phone number with the ones I really make a connection with. I tell them to call at any time, and that if they don’t get a hold of me, I will figure out a way to call them back. None of them ever call. Except for one guy I consistently met with for about 6 months. He was abruptly moved to another facility in Manhattan, he didn’t call, but he had his brother text to let me know he was alright. I used to show him how to build muscle with no equipment in the gym. He started seeing results and was the biggest advocate for me amongst the other guys in the facility.
The Lord has given me grace to go into really difficult places like prisons, however, wherever He has graced you is just as important. Not only for you, but for all of those you can’t see on there other side of where you are called, as well as those following in your footsteps that you may never meet on this side of eternity.
Lastly, you don’t have to be in prison to be in prison. What parts of your life are holding you captive or taking you away from your calling? Take time today to think of where you are in prison and lets work together to be set free for now and forever.