As a husband I want to be more discerning.
As a friend I want to be more filled with wisdom.
As a father I want to be visionary.
As a son I want to be more filled with the Holy Spirit.
As a leader I want to be a pioneer.
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As a husband I want to be more discerning.
As a friend I want to be more filled with wisdom.
As a father I want to be visionary.
As a son I want to be more filled with the Holy Spirit.
As a leader I want to be a pioneer.
When I was 18, I declared I was going to retire at 30. At the time I made that statement my thought was that somehow over the course of a 12 year period I would amass a certain amount of wealth that would in return lead me to retirement. However, 13 years later that has not happened. As I reflect back, the 18 year old me had the right idea and ambition just the wrong intention. Retirement was just a financial goal. Had nothing to do with the life I wanted to live. It was purely a response to not work as hard as my parents did to provide a living for my brothers and I. Today, I can say that I have retired in a different sense. I have peace. I am content. Because of this, I can look at my year end earnings and see that I only made 23K and be completely fine with that. I’m not burdened with thoughts that I need to step out and provide more for my household as the man. Would I love to make more money? Absolutely, but when I take inventory of the year, I didn’t miss a single meal or anything. I got married and have no debt from our wedding. I learned how to budget and live a comfortable life with what I have. In addition to that, everything I’m currently involved in I’m passionate about. So in a sense, I did hit my goal of retiring by 30, its just looks different. I retired from the feeling of striving and hustling. I retired from wanting things I don’t need, just because someone else has them. I retired from only seeking financial growth in my life, and have shifted to seeking spiritual and relational growth. And I have retired from making my own plans for my life. Goals are great, but I’m relying on God to make the plans for my life moving forward, my job is to simply be obedient to the call on my life.
Elizabeth and I have started a podcast. It’s called Crossing Boundaries. This podcast seeks to engage all people around the world regardless of what they believe. However, as the creators of this medium, our framework is Biblically based. We recognize that there is a lot of confusion as it relates to healthy relationships, so we are hopeful that this podcast can provide simplicity and meaningful discussion. We aim to bring clarity to a generation that is searching for stability in any and everything.
Before we got married, we sat down and discussed what we wanted to accomplish as a married couple. We knew we wanted to address the root of many societal challenges. In that process, we found that the breakdown of families has contributed in large part to the problem. So we wrote a vision that we believe we are called to live out as a family. Our vision is our small part of tackling the issue.
Here is our vision:
Our Marriage VisionWe want to see our world, our cities, our communities, families, and individuals transformed for good.
We believe humanity rests on the shoulders of the local church. The local church begins with one family. We see our family as our ministry.
Our vision is that our marriage and our ministry will lead people to Jesus Christ, and we believe that we will see people set free.
We believe that through the restoration of the family, cities across the globe will be transformed to bring glory to God.
We believe that through our ministry, families will be built up, encouraged, inspired, taught, loved, believed in, prayed for, accepted, and included in the name of Jesus.
We believe that through our ministry, we will mobilize leaders (men, women, and children) for generations to come.
We believe our ministry will champion the modern family through humility, hospitality, and transparency.
There’s a lot of bad relationship and marriage advice out there, I’m sure you’ve heard some yourself. We hope to use our podcast to reach people we wouldn’t otherwise have the opportunity to sit down and chat with. We talk about relationships within the scope of Biblical values and principles, without making anyone feel as if they need to believe to be a part of the conversation. We also share personal successes and struggles within our relationship, and a fair dose of jokes.
There are a lot of influences out there, and not all of them are helpful. Take the time to listen to this podcast. My prayer is that something in it inspires you to do your part. Whatever that is.
We hope you’ll tune in and let us know what you think. Any and all feedback is welcome. You can listen on Apple Podcast/iTunes or through our podcast Website
Every year after Thanksgiving & Christmas I think, “how can I give more?” I wonder what can I do to have bigger impact for more families. Then I usually forget about it until late October when the Holiday season campaigns start. I’ll kick myself and think, “You definitely didn’t make any plans for this upcoming season.” This journal entry details the start of the holiday season for me, with two different organizations that I am a part of and how we were able to give back this holiday season.
December 8th 2018:
At EDGE, the mentoring program I run, we had just ended our Toy & Book Drive at the school we run our program through. We collected well over 100 toys and books. This was great considering the drive only lasted two weeks. I felt like we as an organization could have done better planning to produce a better outcome, but nothing could be done about that now.
December 14th 2018:
On my way to work early one morning a man stopped and said, “Can I ask you something?” I was in a rush and made it apparent, but I said, “What’s up?” He said, “Nevermind.” I said, “It’s ok. What’s up?” He talked very softly and asked for coffee or food. My response to him was…I don’t have any cash on me. I wasn’t disgusted or annoyed by his ask, I just didn’t have any cash on me. I usually don’t have cash on me. But as I was walking away from him, I couldn’t help but think that I probably didn’t handle that situation correctly. I didn’t answer his question and my response didn’t sit well with me. I thought about how I could have offered him the apple slices I had in my book bag or one of the meals I had with me. Then I thought, “What if I budgeted to purchase $10-$15 gift cards to give away for situations like this?” Then that thought faded as the day went on, not because it was no longer important to me, but my thoughts shifted because I was at work and I had to start being present with the people in front of me. That experience though made me realize that I need to be more intentional when it comes to people. Setting aside money and time to purchase the gift cards won’t solve the problem the person in front of me is facing, but it will restore dignity and hope to someone facing hard times.
December 20th & 21st 2018:
Over these two days we delivered the toys & books on behalf of EDGE NYC Inc. to Williamsburg Health Clinic on Graham Avenue, a local community health center. This year makes the third consecutive year that we have partnered with this center. We drop the toys off with the medical staff and they call their patients to come pick up toys that their kids would like for Christmas.
December 22nd 2018:
HOPE Day is a special day our church started to set love in motion throughout our City. Unified in this one-day serving opportunity, every area of our church becomes mobilized to impact the community. We had the opportunity to turn Manhattanville Community Center gym in Harlem into a Winter Wonderland. Families were able to choose gifts (collected during our Toy Drive at church for the month of December) for their children and have them wrapped, take photos with Santa, play games, make crafts, and enjoy a bounce house. We were able to donate over 2000 toys to over 1100 people.
To ensure that each child was able to receive a gift, parents were told that they could get one gift per child, and they had to provide proof of that child to NYCHA representatives that were there, and they would receive a ticket for each gift. This information was given to the parents beforehand by robo calls made by NYCHA.
Doors opened at 1pm and there were a lot of people, and the gym can only allow 100 people at a time. I spent that day greeting families on the line. It was at least a half-hour wait inside, and many of the families had spent even more time outside in the cold waiting to get in. I was placed on the line right before the families would go downstairs to enjoy the Winter Wonderland. I asked families how they were doing, had they been to this event before, and what they had planned for the rest of the day. I asked the kids about school, if they had a job, and what their least favorite subject in school was. I asked about college, and for the boys that didn’t know, I told them they were going to Morehouse College. lol Someone has got to speak life into them! One kid told me he was going to go to Harvard, and if that didn’t work out, he was going to vocational school. I asked him, “Why would it not work out?” he said, “I don’t know.” I asked him how old he was and he said he was 12. I told him, “You are too young to have a plan B. If you want to go to Harvard, then go to Harvard.”
After 3 hours, all of the families had been inside of the Winter Wonderland. I went downstairs to check it out. It was a beautiful sight to see. Kids everywhere full of cheer. Parents who were worn out and tired were able to find joy in seeing their kids happy. There were so many gifts that kids were able to go home with big bags full of gifts. I was walking up the side where kids were picking out toys and a woman said to me, “This is really good what you guys are doing.” I wasn’t paying attention at first because there was a lot going on. I asked her if she was talking to me. She was. I said, “I’m sorry.” She repeated, “This is a really good thing you guys are doing.” There were some toys on the floor in front of us. I kneeled down to pick them up and asked her if they were hers. They went unclaimed so I put them back on the table. While I was doing this she said to me, “Its been a really rough last couple of weeks.” I asked what happened. She proceded to tell me that she was almost evicted, but everything worked out and she was able to pay the money she needed to keep her family in their home. I felt prompted to ask her how they were doing with food, so I did. She responded, “God is good.” I said, “He is. And how are you doing with food?” She said, “I don’t need much.” I smiled and said, “How much would feed your family?” She said she only needed help with Christmas Day. I don’t have excess myself, but I knew I had to help her. I said, “You’re still not giving me a number.” I think she knew what I was hinting at, and she finally said, “You can buy the groceries and drop it off at my house.” With a smile I said “I’m not doing that. I would prefer to give you money and you have the power to buy what you need without anyone knowing where it came from.” She cried. I asked if $100 would cover it, she said, “Thank you and that’s more than enough.” I exchanged numbers with her and the plan was to meet up after the event was over. We hugged. I walked around for a little bit and I felt that deep stirring that I should just give her what I had on me right now. I went to Elizabeth and told her everything that just happened and I asked her if she had any cash on her. She went upstairs to check and came back down with $75. I found the woman and said, “Hey, this is my wife Elizabeth and we found some cash on us. Let’s not make this weird. Open your hand and Elizabeth is going to hand money to you.” We all laughed, talked for a little while, hugged, and said goodbye.
When I felt moved to give that woman money for food, I was not thinking of the man in the beginning of this entry that asked me for food or coffee. I actually wasn’t thinking at all. Many people are motivated to do good on compulsion, guilt, or the feeling in their gut, for me, it’s the Holy Spirit. As believers, we walk around with the ability to tap into what God wants us to do. Giving that woman money wasn’t part of the program, in fact, it wasn’t even a good idea! Had someone else seen us give her money, they may have come over and asked for money too, and it could have started a huge ordeal.
But God knows what he’s doing, and when he speaks, we must not only listen, but act. Even if it sounds crazy, even if it feels out of sorts. If you know it’s from God, he’ll work out the details.
Dear Dad,
Thank you. Thank you for being my hero all these years. At 23 you became a father to twins and I still don't know how you and mom did it. At 23, for me, well let's just leave that there lol. All jokes aside you are my first mentor and coach. You gave me culture and perspective as you sent us to Barbados every summer without our consent.
From you always speaking to me in truth, to you yelling in the audience at various performances… I quote "I can't hear you" I would say “I'm performing with 30 other people, Dad” and you would say "Doesn't matter I still can't hear you”, to you calling the night before a big test and saying "Failure is not an option”, to you calling every night just to say "How was your day? Have a good night, and I love you”. I watched you break all the gender rules; you cooked, cleaned, treated women with respect and were loving, caring, and attentive with your children.
I know that part of you still desires to give me more in regards to physical things, but I want you to know that you, as you are, the way God made you, is enough for me. Your steady presence, commitment, and dedication made it an easy transition for me to accept my Heavenly Father. I can write a letter like this because of joy and gratitude, and not out of pain.
Thank you Dad! I love you! Through heartache, pain, set-back, disappointment, frustration and disparity in your own life I can say to you "Well done." The best is yet to come. You're a great father! And to top it off, when we're together, people think we are brothers.
Your Son,
Xavier