On Sunday, September 29th my wife said to me, “I’m feeling contractions. It could be nothing, but it feels intense.” I got really excited because I knew this meant that we were inching closer to seeing our little one.

Our birthing instructor told us that when you feel like labor is starting to just go back to sleep so that you don’t slow down the process. So that’s what we did. We stayed home and cancelled our sessions for work the next day and waited to see what would happen next. In the morning we woke up and it was as if the night before was a dream. There had been no progress. Slightly frustrated, we thought our baby just didn’t want to come in September. 

Tuesday, October 1st started as a normal day for us. I started the day off working in Jersey City at 5am, followed by sessions at 6:30am and then 10am in Manhattan before returning home for the day. I got home around noon and I asked my wife how she was feeling. She said she was ok. We talked for a bit then I went to take a nap.

At 1:15pm my wife said, “Boo Boo” (that’s what she calls me) “I think my mucus plug came out.” I say “Ok.” But I have no clue what that means. She told me that the mucus plug keeps her cervix closed during pregnancy and once it comes out labor has essentially started. I go “Oh”. 

We had an appointment with the midwife later that day and we told her what happened. She offered to help get the process started if we wanted. We asked what she recommended and she said to just wait it out. However, she said that if the baby didn’t come by Friday (the due date) or over the weekend we would have to do another sonogram to check on the baby. I knew from that point that the baby was coming soon because my wife was not interested in doing anymore tests. I know her personality.

We went home to have dinner and get ready for the next day. My wife went to the bathroom. She called to me and I ran into the bathroom and she showed me more of the mucus plug on the toilet paper. Man did it look nasty. Like long pieces of squid. Immediately after that contractions started. It wasn’t enough to say we needed to call our midwife or doula, but it was intense.

I was so excited but my wife was not so much. It wasn’t that she wasn’t excited, it was that she was feeling the pain. Our bags were packed and I sent a picture to my guys to let them know we were close. 

Elizabeth threw up her dinner as she was brushing her teeth before bed. I moved her hair out of her face and put a towel underneath her because she couldn’t control her bladder while she was vomiting because of the pressure the baby was putting on her bladder. I began to rub her back and remind her that she was doing great, and I told our daughter that she was ok and that we were really excited to meet her. 

Finally we got into bed. The contractions were starting to pick up, but not too intense. I held her tight and we fell asleep. At least I thought we were asleep. I woke up less than an hour later to the sound of water running. Elizabeth had jumped in the shower because she wasn’t able to sleep and it felt better for her to be in water.

I was nervous because she was in the shower while having contractions. For those of you that have never witnessed a woman going through labor, it looked like she lost all motor control and could fall at any moment. I did the best I could to comfort Elizabeth. I told her to remember the affirmations we had learned in our birthing class. Elizabeth eventually got out of the shower and she wanted to lay on the floor in the living room. I took some pillows and put it on the floor and we laid down.

At this point the contractions were every 3 minutes. I remembered that the midwife told us to make sure Elizabeth eats so that she has energy to sustain her. I asked Elizabeth what she wanted to eat. She said nothing. I told her she had to eat. (Not my norm.) She requested yogurt with berries. So that’s what I made.

In between contractions Elizabeth would pick out the berries but didn’t eat much of anything else. We continued to lay there together in the dark until around 5am. I told Elizabeth that I thought it was time to call the midwife and the doula. Elizabeth agreed and got back in the shower.

I called Dani, our doula. She asked how far apart the contractions were and I sent her a screenshot from the app I was using to track them. We talked for about 30 seconds then I called her a Uber to our house. I called the midwife on call and she didn’t answer at first. She called me back. I talked with her for a bit. Then she wanted to talk to Elizabeth, which I thought was a bad idea. Not that everything needed to go through me…but my wife was in pain and I needed her to take my word for it that we waited as long as we could before calling. 

Dani arrived and she helped Elizabeth through contractions by physically placing her hands on the lower part of her back. She would do this up until 20 minutes before Phoebe came out. Dani looked at me and said, “We need to leave to get to the birthing center.”

I started getting things together. My body was moving but internally I was having a conversation with myself like, “wow this moment is finally here. Am I ready? I wonder what she’s going to look like.” “Am I ready to be a dad?”

My thoughts continued…

Who do I put my faith in?
How well do I love Elizabeth?
What kind of atmosphere do I set for our home?
What kind of friendships do I have? 
How do I live out my calling?
Where’s my integrity?
Am I patient?
Am I fully surrendered? 
How do I look at change?
Am I taking care of myself?
Do I have a heart for people?
How do I make decisions? 
What if I lose both of them in this process?

We got to the Birthing Center. They needed to check the baby’s heartbeat so Elizabeth had to sit in this office chair for 30 minutes. This was rough because the contractions were still coming on strong. Up until this point Elizabeth’s body took over and she was able to move into a position that made it a little bit more comfortable. But sitting in this chair she couldn’t move. 

Phoebe’s heart rate was good. We moved down the hall into the birthing tub. Elizabeth got in and felt a little better.

The time now was 7:30am. I sent a text to my mom, dad, brothers and sister-in-law that “we are in labor”. I kneeled down in front of the tub and just watched Elizabeth. The next thing I know she came up out of the water and grabbed my arms while screaming through the contractions and then went back into water.

I remembered I hadn’t texted all my of clients for the day to tell them we were in labor so I did that. Elizabeth rose again right out of the tub and did it again, squeezing me very tight and then back into the water. This pattern continued for a hour and a half.

In between contractions I was giving updates to our family and friends and asking that people would pray for a safe delivery. It hurt me not being able to shoulder some of the pain for my wife. However, Elizabeth had to do this one alone.

She may or may not remember this, but I would whisper in her ear, “you’re incredible, your body was designed to do this, tell Phoebe she’s ok and that she needs to keep her heart rate down. I love you.”

I had to use the bathroom and I was talking to Dani and said, “I need to use the bathroom but I don’t want to miss it.” Elizabeth with her head down and leaning over the tub said in a quiet whisper with her eyes closed “you won’t miss it.” So I ran to the bathroom and ran back.

More time passed and the midwives would come in and out to check the temperature of the water and to check Phoebe’s heart rate. Elizabeth’s scream changed and the midwife noticed and said, “it sounds like your body has started pushing.” A few minutes later Dani looked in the tub and said, “it looks like your water just broke.” I didn’t study any of this in college so I was clueless as to what she saw. All I knew was my wife was in pain. 

A little more time passed and the midwife placed a mirror in the tub to see if the baby was close to coming out. I saw what looked like hair at first. Then they instructed Elizabeth on the next contraction to push as hard as she could. She did and I saw a little nose then it went right back in. Elizabeth would have to do this 4 more times until our daughter would join us.

At 10:43am she slipped right out. The midwife caught her and handed her to me. From my angle I thought the umbilical cord was around her neck but it wasn’t.

Phoebe didn’t cry at first, she just looked with very wide eyes. They gave her oxygen and she started to cry. Then she continued to yell at us for about 2 hours. A lot has changed since that day, but she continues to yell at us and occasionally she slaps me in the face.

My thoughts still jump around from time to time, but I’ve learned to take it one day at a time.

She’s a beautiful girl and I’m proud to be her dad.